Dear Mr. President
Let me first congratulate
ourselves on how proud we are to host the First ever US President for our
Republic day celebrations. It is a
matter of unique pride and diplomatic achievement for a country like India
where almost every Indian dreams of visiting US once in his lifetime and where the
most expensive trips by travel companies are to US cashing in on the popularity
of your nation.
Believe me when I say, my whole
country is abuzz with news of your arrival and how all of a sudden your trip to
India has become the most talked about subject surpassing the critical issue of
elections in the capital city of Delhi. Yeah, we go for elections every year
whilst your trip is once in a lifetime affair though we can just hope we get
more chances to witness such maddening furor.
Let me tell you, I was a little
upset when you denied VISA to our very own India bred man of steel Narendra
Modi and post that the diplomatic uproar over Devyani Khobragade. But guess we were to live with it because
soon we were going to have the most incredible victory on the International
political scene, the visit of the most powerful man on the face of Earth, the
President of USA. It will be wrong to
say I am not looking forward to this visit because of the distance that INDO US
relations have travelled since the times of “the undiplomatic disaster” that
was Nehru’s meeting with Truman. Thankfully I am getting to read better stuff
in my morning newspapers than the same old stories of rape, terrorism,
political unrest etc. It makes me feel good how you have progressed towards the
safety and security of life in your country that there are at least 90,000
security personnel to guard you on your visit to India. Now this Mr. President
might be the total number of Police constables in India to guard our ever
increasing population of multibillions. The 500 men strong US Secret service
agent entourage coming with you might put our very own RAW to shame since the
total number of RAW Agents working in India will fall short of that number.
Your trip will also teach us some
excellent lessons in the age old “Mezbani”
and “mehmaan navazi” that we have
been famous for. Coming as a State guest and travelling in your own Cadillac
instead of Pranabda”s S600…we are
already ashamed of not being able to provide you with better options. We were
also apparently asked to declare NO FLY ZONE over Rashtrapati bhavan while you
are here and I heard we declined. No…not at all stately. You are our guest, so
what if that would have meant putting a comma to our age old traditions. We
could have always resumed back next year. It is good that you have also
cautioned Pakistan against terror activity in India during your visit. We have
been tired of yelling but their shelling does not stop. May be, no no, I am
assured they will pay a heed to you. They don’t want an end to monies funding their
artillery. Besides the per person life cost in US is 100 folds higher than in
India. I understand that it is mainly because Dollar is stronger than rupee and
in those terms Pakistan will end up paying more than they usually do in India. We of course give them freebies too now and
then.
So all in all your visit has me
perked up and all set for some diplomatic action. It is good that your people
have invaded our Maurya Sheraton and left nothing to the details of Indian
security forces because we struggle with protection of our civilians and women.
Having plugged in all loopholes there is one left I presume, please have Air force
1 to stock up on 20,000 gallons of breathable air since Delhi air is polluted
and might pose a serious threat to POTUS. Rest it is wise enough that AIR FORCE
1 will not be switched off during the time you tour India. It should be a major
boost to Indian economy with the fuel prices being in pretty good shape and
what with you guys paying in Dollars. So to sum it up in one word
WELCOME Mr. President
